HiSONICry
by RookieNeir
Summary: Station Square is a city known for its utter variety in the amount of things that happen in it. But if there was one thing that it didn't expect, it was the return of the Sonic gang. Chaos, hilarity, parodies and relatively dark humour will sprout. Will the city be able to handle it?


**Author Notes: If you see that while reading the story the word SONG: *song title here* it means that it is highly recommended that you read that section of the chapter while listening to the song that is mentioned there on YouTube. Personal recommendation of mine. You'll know when to stop the song because I'll write "End of Song.", which marks (obviously) that you can stop listening.**

* * *

Prologue

Life at Station Square

**Knuckles POV.**

Why did I move here? I guess it was the swag.

**SONG: The Small Faces - Ogdens' Nut Gone Flake**

Or the flow…I don't know, that thing. The thing homies call it now. You hear it everywhere. I wanted to move away, you know, from Angel Island. The Master Emerald was tiring me. I left it for someone to take care of it, I'm sure he'll do his best doing it. Or was it a she? I don't know, it probably was some transsexual person Sonic met during his…adventures.

I wanted to relax. Not be so anger driven, for once. Hang around with some friends, maybe even start a family as time passes. You know, I'm twenty-three years old already. It's not like I'm rusty or anything, but I've aged. So I've bought a nice, comfortable apartment, big enough to hold a party or so. And I wanted to be a homie, like all the other homies. My friends would be like the friends you meet in TV. Have a beer once in a while, have some good fun. And my chick would be always next to me, being with me. You know how it is.

Station Square is just the place for that. The celebrities walking from place to place, the variety of richness and poorness, all that…vibe the city sends off. You never know what's going to happen. You may win the lottery, you may get your car stolen, heck, and you might even see a popular singer get banged by someone no one even knows. But that's a common here thing. Specially around these freaks.

"Thank you, Knux, for complimenting us so gracefully in your _Grand Theft Auto V _parody introduction. I value you, let me tell you," Sonic sarcastically added.

Didn't spend too much time before all my old friends found me. I thought they were hanging around with zoophilic ladies, or something along the lines of that. We began doing pretty rad things quite quickly. I don't know a way to guide you here, use your imagination. Think of some plane riding, plane hiking, plane crashing, and lots of planes. It's just you know, that feeling. The feeling Station Square gives off is something that makes you do this stuff.

So this guy got married and there I saw them. Sonic, Tails, Amy, Cream, Shadow, Rouge, Omega, Big, The Chaotix, you know, all the fucking crew was there. And I had to be like, "hey, long time no see" since for some reason the writers love that line. So even Cream was an adult, which made me doubt why the hell am I only twenty-three if she was six years before this, but I guess things happen for reasons.

You know, we'd go around destroying the city every now and then, well, at least Sonic is. The Chaotix are in some shady business, so we don't go around them anymore, it's dangerous, see. Amy has gotten over Sonic and weird stuff like that has happened. Buildings getting destroyed, the military following Big, I don't know what these peeps are up to nowadays. I try to stay away from those fuck faces, but it's quite hard.

So around a year has passed since then. Yeah, I know crazy. I somehow regret coming here; I thought I could live your average, easy, homie life. But I guess I can't. That's just how it goes.

**End of song.**

"Hey, asshole. The thing isn't so badass and awesome if it's written. And with that lack of description," Sonic replied.

"I have to agree with this incompetent here," Shadow agreed, insulting Sonic in the process. "And wasn't the whole speech rather elegant, instead of saying stuff like homie?"

"Dawg, leave me alone. I do my parodies like I want them to," I countered angrily.

"Why did we even let you do the intro?" Shadow asked.

"Silver said it was a good idea," Sonic told Shadow. "Hey, now that we talk about Silver, where the hell is he?"

"Probably banging Blaze. Or Amy. Everybody bangs Amy, fucking slut." Shadow answered.

"Man, let her live her life. She does what she wants, yo." I scolded them.

"What's with this nigga talking? It's not even freaking nigga talking, you just say a couple of stupid words from time to time," Sonic commented.

"Because your vocabulary is extremely advanced for this century," Shadow attacked.

"I thought we were on the same boat?"

"Why in the world would I be in your boat? That sounds dreadful."

"Hey guys, I'm back!" a telekinetic hedgehog saluted.

"About time," the three other guys said in unison.

"Where did you even come from? The author is not saying anything about-"

"Sonic, there's no author here," the ultimate life-form replied.

"But..."

"You break the fourth wall again and I break your anus. Got that?"

"That doesn't sound nice at all, you know?"

"So, this prologue is rather long for my liking. When would it end?" Silver asked.

"Homie, shut the fuck up OK?" I ordered. "You spent half the intro doing fuck knows what with some chick or some chicks ignoring us completely. I had a meeting today, dog, I canceled it and you go around doing those kind of things. That's not how it works dawg."

"I can't help it man, they just gather up on me you know? It's something that's out of my control."

"I always thought you were gay," Shadow told Silver.

* * *

**Third Person POV **

Silver grabbed a glass of wine, sat down on his sofa and sipped it. He had recently bought a luxurious mansion in the more wealthy part of Station Square. He turned on his TV, to see more of the generic things that aired on TV these days.

First channel that appeared. Reality Show about horny teenagers. Probably shouldn't watch that.

Channel 301. Someone in a Twinkle Park costume raped a girl at Twinkle Park. Honestly, one would have to doubt if that was new nowadays.

Channel 343. American Football. Pass.

Channel 1337. Porn. Not now, the hedgehog thought he didn't feel like wanking today.

Channel 489. What the hell was happening here, is beyond anyone's imagination.

Conclusion of the experiment: television is still the crappiest form of entertainment. Silver decided to check out what was going on at the YouTubes, maybe something interesting was uploaded. For once.

Generic Swedish Gamer trying to hard to be funny. Ugh, it's loaded with these people.

Guitar Cat. _Why isn't that cat an anthro? _he asked himself.

_Call of Duty _9000 no scope jumping parkour drug KILZZ. By XxCODKILLZxX. That sounded so stupid he didn't even want to know what it was.

Celebrities Twerking. FML.

Conclusion of the experiment: YouTube will never go back to its original former glory. His inner thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations of his Android phone. Because iOS is for hipsters. Oh dear God. Sonic.

"Hey, Sil-"

"What?"

"Is that a proper way to say hi to your friend?"

"I don't care. I let you in my house, you broke everything, and I had to pay for everything I had."

"It was just a small party man! Relax."

"DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?"

"Look man, I'm already inside, there's nothing you can do."

"Inside where?"

Silver was turned around by a mysterious force called Sonic. He stared at him, with all the hatred he could transfer in a stare, while he was grinning like a fucking cock. "Why are you here?"

"They kicked me out of the club! Can you believe that?"

"Which club?"

"The..."

"They kicked you out of all the clubs, right?"

"Um...nooo?"

"You're a clusterfuck. You, your face, your inner self and your anus."

"You look at my anus a lot, don't you?"

"Screw you."

Sonic looked over Silver's head, noticing something interesting. "What is it?" the telekinetic asked.

"Why is Tails here? And not saying anything?"

"Can you feel the sunshine?" 'Tails' suddenly said.

Silver and Sonic stared at a Tails doll, levitating and gazing at theme with its pure black, demonic eyes and its crooked head. "Um...shit."

* * *

The tension at the basement could be cut with a spoon. The light weakly illuminated the man tied to a chair, who's heart was pumping blood at an alarming speed from nervousness. The G.U.N. Commander, Richard Gunster, walked around the room with a twisted grin. Espio stared coldly at the terrified Chinese man, while Vector and Shadow looked elsewhere, sickened by the sight.

"So, I presume you know why we're holding you here, don't you?" Richard asked cruelly, getting closed to the sweaty face.

"N-no! Please, don't hurt me! You're just racist against immigrants!" The man shouted, terrrified.

"Richard, is this really necessary? I mean, come on, I'm sure there are other means," Vector interrogated, refusing to look at the Commander.

"Look, I run the most powerful company in the whole goddamn world-"

"And the most corrupt one," Shadow added.

"I won't give a fuck about what happens to an Asian dude."

"What about the Feds? Aren't they as important as the fucking government?" Vector asked.

"Listen. Are you working with us or with the Feds?" the General questioned.

"Doesn't matter, let's get this done so I can go home and forget that we're getting involved with you corrupt pieces of dust."

Richard grabbed the Asian guy by his neck and stared at him. "Where's Big the Cat?"

"I d-don't know! I don't know who he is!"

"You exchange drugs, don't tell me you don't know who he is."

"I swear to God, I don't know!"

"Espio, do your thing."

The chameleon grabbed one of his kunais and impaled it against his knee, the man shouting in pain. "Vector, let's go outside, we'll get the orders soon enough," Shadow ordered. Vector nodded and both headed out of the basement.

"Do you know who he is?" Richard persisted.

"Yes! Yes! I've heard of him!"

"You've heard of him?"

"Yes! I SWEAR, I have heard of him!"

"From who?"

"From that redneck, the purple guy! Fang!"

* * *

Richard called Vector. "Fang the Sniper, he may know where he is."

"Where's Fang the Sniper?" Vector answered, bothered.

"I'm going to ask him."

Richard glanced at the tortured man, who kept moving in his chair restlessly, with tears in his eyes.

"Where?"

"W-what?"

"Where's Fang, idiot?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Espio."

The ninja kicked with fury the Asian's crotch, making a small amount of blood noticeable in his pants. He shouted once more, crying. "HE'S IN THE GRAND BRIDGE! UNDER IT!"

"Grand Bridge, you've heard him Vector," Richard told the crocodile.

Both anthros entered a luxurious sports car and headed for the big bridge that united two parts of Station Square. Vector drove while Shadow sighed heavily. "Why are we driving a car when I can run at a super fast speed?" Shadow asked.

"Because I _can't _do that."

"Why do you have to be with me?"

"Because the Chaotix have to ally with the government and you work for them. My turn. Why do you work with the government?"

"I'm already in, I can't go out unless I want to go running around the world endlessly with an entire fucking army tracing my steps. Back then it didn't seem like a bad idea, I wanted to run away from the past killing people without remorse and that retarded blue hedgehog made everything look like these were the peace makers of the world. When in reality they're the problem."

"Why did you even trust Sonic? Who the hell trusts Sonic?"

"I was probably into some kind of drug a Mazurian gave me so I could free him from the police."

"Are you discriminating him because he's Mazurian?"

"Partially."

"Good."

"Who wouldn't?"

"Fuck it, we're here."

Shadow and Vector got out of the car to check around the bridge to see if the redneck was there. All they saw was a bunch of hobos sleeping on a dirty piece of cardboard, probably with cockroaches living inside. And parasites. One shout of glory for the oh-so-caring and loving United Federation. Shadow called Richard. "General, there's nothing here."

"Interesting. I'll talk with our friend here."

* * *

"Wh-what is it?" the Chinese man asked.

"It seems that our redneck friend wasn't under the Grand Bridge. Pity, right?"

"How? He was there! I'm telling you!"

"Espio."

Espio grabbed two forceps connected to a generator and placed them on his crotch. Electricity began moving in all of the man's body as he vibrated from the shock and his eyes turned white. As soon as drool came out of his mouth, Espio pulled the forceps away from his crotch and heard his screams in pain. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

"Where's Fang the Sniper?" Richard asked.

"HE IS IN THE WEST PART OF THE RUTH SHORES NEIGHBORHOOD! THE PLACE WITH A BIG STATUE OF THAT WOMAN GETTING BANGED BY TWO DONKEYS!"

Richard called Vector once more. "Ruth Shores, west side, statue of bestiality at its finest."

* * *

"We have another place to go to, Shadow," Vector said.

"Let's go then."

The two of them entered the car and headed for the neighborhood filled to the brim with rednecks. Not long after Vector started the engine, Shadow received a call.

"Shadow here."

"SHADOW! YOU'VE GOT TO-" Silver's voice was interrupted by the noise of furniture getting torn apart.

"Sorry?"

"WE NEED HELP!"

"What's going on?"

"COME TO MY-"

The noise became static and Shadow hung up the phone, placing it in his hedgehog mystical invisible fur pocket. "Who was it?" Vector asked.

"Silver. He was taking drugs again."

"Typical. Talking about old friends, where's Rouge?"

"Due to the big income she received I think she stopped robbing perverts at the back of the bar and now dedicates to performing certain heists."

"Should we be afraid that we would have to kill her?"

"Business is business, Vector."

"I see that you take it more lightly than I do."

"I'm getting used to this."

"Anyway, what happened to Omega?"

"Omega is probably setting up an elaborate robot/cyborg/Terminator plan to eradicate all traces of anthropomorphic and human life, destroying the robots/cyborgs/Terminator in the process."

"Why would he destroy himself? To free himself from the pain of being alone, just living next to some emotional piece of metal?"

"No. Because he's fucking stupid, that's why."

"We're here."

**SONG: 01. We Were Set Up**

Vector and Shadow got out of the car and glanced around to see if they could find the weasel. What they did find, was a red light illuminating Vector's head. "TAKE COVER!" Vector shouted, hiding behind a pile of trash from the sniper.

"Goddamn it, the chinese guy set us up!" Vector screamed in anger.

"No FUCKING shit, Sherlock!"

"No he didn't," an elegant voice was heard by both agents. "I'm Fang the Sniper."

"How do we know?! YOU DON'T SPEAK LIKE A REDNECK!" Vector screamed loudly.

"Because I do not speak like that."

"We got the wrong guy, Shadow! Unless he shows himself!

"What, so you can kill me?"

"We have the entire G.U.N. with us," Vector cockily told him. "You won't have a chance."

"If you have the entire G.U.N. with you then this redneck land would have blown up entirely a couple of minutes ago."

"Damn, he's good!"

Shadow facepalmed and glanced at the statue. "Listen. We can make this easy if you tell us where Big the Cat is, or we can do this the hard way."

"I can lie to you, you know that, right?"

"Do you think the fucking G.U.N. is ran by intelligent people?" Shadow asked impatiently. "They hired the goddamn crocodile, for God's sake!"

"He gets the job done. Gives a stupid front to the corporation but it's actually formed by super intelligent rich bastards who have changed their names countless times due to being associated with uploading child pornography to the Deep Web."

"There's not that many people who do that!" The ultimate lifeform lied, trying to be as convincing as possible.

"Why don't you get those people anyway? It's full of raging pedophiles who can be easily found."

"You think we have the budget to hand with every motherfucking goddamn asshole in the whole goddamn world?" Shadow asked. "It's a myth, we only hunt the ones that are becoming popular so that society can feel secure, when in reality they're still in danger."

"Ah, the conspiracies, so lovely."

"WILL YOU SHOW UP OR NOT?!" Vector lost his patience.

"What guarantee do I have that you will not blow my head apart when I do so?"

Silence.

"I thought so. I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."

"We're not moving," Vector admitted with a tone of confidence in his voice.

"Then I'll be waiting here, shooting the pile of trash where you are hiding again and again until you get out of there and I make a hole in your corrupted reptilian body."

Fang shot the pile of trash where Shadow was hiding, causing a trash bag to fall out of the pile and let all of its content fall. Shadow cursed inside his mind, breathing heavily.

"Hey, man, we need a plan," Vector whispered to Shadow, in fetal position.

"I know that Vector, I don't have one."

"Shit."

"Can we call for more agents to help us?"

"And let the whole damn city to know we're doing a mission without telling most of the people in the G.U.N. and let the Feds use this as an advantage? Sure, the Commander will be extremely eager to do so."

"Man, you come up with the plan, I'll handle the action."

The black hedgehog stopped to think for a minute, gazing at the green crocodile. "By any chance, do you still have that exploding bubble gum you used to chew back when you were fooled by a fucking walkie-talkie with an insane range?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"Do you think you can stand up for a second in order to see where the light is coming from?"

"Why don't you do it?"

"Why don't you think of the plan?"

Vector sighed as he stood up for a fraction of a second and the sniper attempted to shoot at him. He was hiding between the donkey's member and the hole that never sees the light. "Shadow, I'm not going to be able to shoot at him from here. He's too high, the bubble gum would kill both of us or he'll shoot me in the process of standing up and shooting at him.

Another shot, this time leaving Vector almost without cover. "Aim for the car, I think I'll be quick enough to reach him while he is shocked by the explosion."

"No way."

"Why not?"

"Rosie is still a baby, I can't shoot her."

"Fuck Rosie, you can buy better cars in the future."

"No, I can't. Who do you think I am, _Ronald McDonald?"_

"Ronald McDonald is freaking mascot of the restaurant, not the owner you dumbass."

Vector bit his lip, grabbed the chewing gum and hesitantly put it in his mouth. He chewed it and he formed a big, pink balloon and shot it at the sports car. It exploded, just like the car, tons of parts flying across the dirt filled area. Shadow jumped the pile and threw a Chaos Spear at the statue, as he ran as fast as he could in order to dodge all the bullets the Sniper was shooting. He jumped high enough to reach the Weasel, when the trigger was pulled. And a hole in the ultimate life forms's chest appeared. He fell in pain to the floor, biting his lip.

"F-fuck you."

Fang got close to the body, smirking cockily. He shot his legs a couple of times to prevent him from running. "What are you going to do know, little bitch?" He said, smashing the hedgehog's head again and again. But there was something he was forgetting.

Maybe it was the crocodile that knocked him out.

Probably.

**End of song.**

Station Square was surely the United Federation dream.

Because things like this were extremely normal.

* * *

**Author Notes: And that was the beautiful prologue of HiSONICry. Please leave constructive criticism and please, don't be offended! I am well aware that at times I go a bit too far for what the T rating lets me do, so if you see that I'm constantly crossing the line that I have to turn it to M, go ahead and tell me. Have a nice week or day or year or month or life.**


End file.
